All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This baby is an asshole
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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