Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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