Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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