I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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