Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize