chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
