areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
