You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
