SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Boobs speak an international language.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
