i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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