Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
