I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
