I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize