This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I could fuck to npr.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
