I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
