i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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