i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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