I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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