We got so high we made milksteak
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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