Please, let me fuck your mom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
