I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
