I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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