she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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