i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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