He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
