Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
