i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
