i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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