I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Boobs speak an international language.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
