At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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