White coat. Heels.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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