hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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