i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
