it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
