I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
