to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
