Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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