In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
