Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
