I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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