No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
