Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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