I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
