Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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