She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
