at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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