I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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