omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
