Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
