Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
