i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ๐๐
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone ๐
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Iโm sorry, some of us common-folk donโt have access to steady dick
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