There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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