I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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