i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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