happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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