So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
