I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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