another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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