i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
