After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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