Whod you bang
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
