I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
